just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
