I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
