you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just want nice things and good sex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize