It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
