plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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