We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
