Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
