She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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