Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
