DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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