Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She is in my trunk
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
