fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
