He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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