i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
