Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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