I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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