I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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