Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
