Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
