why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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