I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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