puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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