Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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