Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
