Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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