Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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