they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
