that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
