Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
