Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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