im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
