do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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