WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
