I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
