so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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