I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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