she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
