why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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