We won't sleep together?
I think my fart just growled at me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
