My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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