hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
