My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
