you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
