My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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