How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
