And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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