ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
