i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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