I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
