this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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