Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
