70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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