ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
