I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
