I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
