yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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