I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
