she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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