Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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