Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
