do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize