I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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