what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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