just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
