y did u give ur computer a hand job?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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