There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
