I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
