Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
PS: I just woke up from my shower
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize