Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Randomize
