How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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