I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I intend to get homeless drunk
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize