I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
